Man!
by ZEREF
Summary: This fanfic is about a man named Man who lives in NY. Every chapter ends with Man almost getting killed and someone else getting killed. Enjoy!  :D
1. Chapter 1

**IMPORTANT! : EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS FANFIC IS COMPLETELY FICTIONAL AND HAVE NO RELATION TO ANYONE ELSE OUTSIDE OF THIS FANFIC WHATSOEVER. IF THERE IS ANY RELATION, IT IS PURELY COINCIDENTIAL.

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**Man!**

**Chapter #001: Introducing…Man!**

**Disclaimer: I only own Man.

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Once, in New York City, there was a man, but he was by no means an ordinary man, he was a Super-ordinary man, and his name was…Man!

One day, Man was walking down the street with a briefcase in his left hand. He was whistling a cheerful tune. Suddenly, he heard a scream. He turned around in time to see a man with a purse and an old woman yelling

"My purse! That man snatched my purse!"

Quickly, Man jumped into a telephone booth and turned into…Man! He immediately ran after the man with Super-ordinary speed. Eventually, he caught up with the man.

"Return that purse to that old woman!" yelled Man.

"Who's gonna make me? You, you man?" said the man.

By now, they have stopped running and are now staring at each other.

Man said, "I shall take action and…call the police department!"

He whipped out his cell phone with Super-ordinary speed and dialed…911!

"Oh no you don't!" the man yelled.

He tried to take the cell phone from Man but Man hit him with his briefcase and threw it at him with Super-ordinary strength. It missed the man and the man stabbed him with a 6-inch folding knife in the stomach. Immediately, the wound gushed with blood, staining his clothes blood-red.

At this point, the police appeared and cuffed the man, while an ambulance took the unconscious, injured, bleeding man to the hospital. Will man survive ER? Find out in Chapter #002: Sting of the Scorpion!

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Man Fact #001: Man's surname is Man, and his father's name was also Man, so his full name is Man Man Man. His mother's name was Woman. His parents are both dead and he is single.


	2. Chapter 2

**Man!**

**Chapter #002: Sting of the Scorpion!**

**Disclaimer: Man is the only thing I own.

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After coming out of the hospital (Yes, Man survived), he went to work. When walking home, he found a quarter on the ground. By picking it up, he avoided an anvil that fell from the sky. Instead, it killed someone by the name of…Jasper!

After that, he went into a shop to buy a new bowler hat. Happy with his purchase, he went home. Suddenly, he heard people screaming and saw people running in the opposite direction, their arms flailing madly. He ran forward but stopped short when he saw what lay before him.

A giant box full of tropical, poisonous scorpions lay in front of him. And the box was…open! Immediately, he jumped into a telephone booth and turned into…Man! He took out his cell phone with Super-ordinary speed and called… Pest Control!

"Help! There is a giant, broken box of tropical, poisonous scorpions here at 6th Avenue and we need you to control them!" Man yelled into the receiver.

He quickly ran into a grocery shop to buy a can of…pesticide! And with Super-ordinary accuracy, he sprayed the tropical, poisonous scorpions with the pesticide. And he managed to kill…half a dozen of them! "6 down, 194 to go!" Man yelled.

By now, the tropical, poisonous scorpions were very irritated. They climbed up Man's legs with Super-scorpion speed and started stinging him.

"Argh!" Man yelled.

When Pest Control arrived, the poison had had already spread through his body and he was unconscious. An ambulance was called for him. Will Man survive ER this time? Find out in Chapter #003: Grand Theft Auto!

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Man Fact #002: The 200 scorpions were destined for the exotic pet shop around the corner. Those 200 scorpions were illegally imported from South America. But don't worry, while this chapter was being written, the illegal exporters were caught by the South American Police Department & thrown into a giant glass tank filled with 20000 of those same species of scorpions.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 003: Grand Theft Auto!

Disclaimer: Well, I own Man.

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After exiting the hospital alive, Man went to a workshop called 'The Workshop' to get his newly repaired Volvo. After paying the man 200$, he drove his car to a bookshop named 'The Bookshop' to get the 4th book in the Twilight series…'Breaking Dawn'! Upon returning to his car, a man suddenly entered the car and drove off with it!

Immediately, he jumped into a telephone booth and turned into…Man! Quickly, with Super-ordinary vision, he spotted a bicycle for rent. After renting the bike, he pedaled with Super-ordinary speed and strength to chase after the thief, although he wished that he could type GETTHEREVERYFASTINDEED.

At the same time, he whipped out his cell phone to call… the police department!

"Help! I've been a victim of…Grand Theft Auto!" he yelled.

Finally, Man caught up with him at a red light.

"Stop the car you idiot or I will punch the daylights out of you with my Super-ordinary strength!" he yelled.

The man yelled back:

"Never!" and sped away though it was still a red light.

"Fuck!" Man cussed and gave chase.

Suddenly, without any warning, a truck that was traveling at 80 km/h rammed into Man. Incredibly, the driver did not notice and ran right over him. A kind boy by the name of Jack phoned an ambulance for him. Will Man survive ER?

Meanwhile, the police have set up a roadblock up ahead. The Volvo smashed straight into it, destroying the front part of the car and 1/3 of the roadblock. The man was apprehended and the car was sent to 'The Workshop' for repairs. Will Man and the Volvo survive ER? Find out in Chapter #004: A Bank Robbery!

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Man Fact #003: Man's Volvo is just like Edward Cullen's, except that it has a telephone booth built into it. He won it in a game show called 'Car or Bar'. If you answer the bonus question right, you get a car, if you answer the bonus question wrongly, you get an iron bar, and if you answer a normal question wrongly, you will be thrown into a vat of acid at pH-10. The first person that was thrown in was a person named Lee.


End file.
